Entry 2 — Accepting the Change

I've noticed how easy it is to believe that change is quick and short-term, instead of the constant catalyst it is for life continuing. You may not even realize it, but you're changing. Whether it's physical like the style of your hair or emotional like your mental health, you're changing. Thinking it's just momentary can only result in two things: denial, or mental warfare (at least, that's my experience). I keep telling myself that these changes in my life are only temporary, and it's almost giving me a false sense of hope things will go back to "normal." Well, what I presumed was normal, at least.

Recently, I've had to let go of not one, not two, but three people in my life I held onto way longer than I should have. This resulted in so much more pain and hurt than if I had listened to God when He told me I was nurturing the weed, not pulling it. I was dangling off the side of a building; one hand holding onto the ledge and the other holding onto the person. I didn't want to see the truth, and I had no intention of letting go. In my mind, I had convinced myself that God put them in my life, so why on earth would I let go of them? Wouldn't that make me a horrible person? Wouldn't I be going against God's will? Not to mention the years of companionship I would be letting go of in the process. The years I spent on them were seemingly wasted. I avoided and prolonged leaving, which just made things so much harder to get over. We fought, we cried, we said things we probably didn't mean. Still, in my mind, I told myself this was just a "phase" in our relationship. I prayed to God. I begged He would step in when I was just too stubborn to see He already did. I asked Him for an answer, and He gave me one... just one that I didn't want to hear.

Let go.

I eventually told them I was done, and I hated myself for it. I hated how selfish I had become, or thought I became. I kept telling myself I gave up too easily, and a true Christian, and friend, wouldn't give up on someone. This thought alone is toxic. If you think that, then what's stopping you from being stuck with someone who's just going to bring you down? I often thought about a verse so fitting, it was almost bittersweet to read.

Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble. Proverbs 13:20

I got into a lot of trouble, per se. Mentally and physically... God tells us time after time in the Word how crucial it is for us to find friends who sharpen one another like iron. So why was I surrounding myself with people who saw nothing more than scrap metal?

Yet, it was never my responsibility to change how they saw me. It was my responsibility to allow God to change the way I saw them.

Change is inevitable. The color of the sky in the day versus the color of the sky at night. It's so subtle you don't even think to notice it, but it still happens. I'm not a fan of change, and it can be so painful and frustrating, but instead of seeing change as a nuisance, try seeing it as a page in a book. Yes, that page is full of sometimes confusing words and you aren't sure what's going to happen next. Yes, you may have to re-read a few sentences, causing a delay. But just wait. Wait until you get to that last word, and you can finally turn the page. It's scary and you could be on the edge of your seat, or reluctant to turn the page—scared of the outcome—but it's always for the better. Change keeps the plot going. Supporting characters come and go, internal and external development is imminent, the tension will thicken, and the conflict will rise. But... it's your choice whether your character arc is negative or positive.

God is just waiting for you to hand Him the pen.

He has so much in store for the story of your life, and it's all going to require some kind of change. If you're intimidated by the word, think of it as a transformation, a revelation, or a development. It may suck right now, to the point you just want to throw in the towel and give up or give in to the pain, but don't. I promise you it's only temporary.

Turn to God.

He hears you, and He wants to help.

Why stop at the rising action of your life when God has such a beautiful resolution planned for you?

Be the hero of your story, step into the uncertainty, and accept the call to action. Stop holding on to what's comfortable and allow yourself to let go.

Let God.

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Musical Encouragement:

Thank you for reading, you beautiful person!